Sarah Jane and Glenn by Dion Beary

I’m about to make a fairly brash claim. Many of you may dispute this, but based on my observations, tireless research, and deeply held convictions, I feel as if I’ve arrived at the only logical conclusion based on the empirical evidence. It will be hard to accept at first, but what major scientific revelations aren’t at first challenged? I, like Galileo and Darwin, am ready to share this knowledge with the rest of the world even if it means being met with skepticism, persecution, and even torture. So, here it is:
Sarah Jane and Glenn Poder are the most adorable couple on this planet. I have sneaking suspicions that they’re the most adorable couple in the universe, but, as we all know, the planet Yexaldon Varsmech in the third quadrant of seventh layer of space keeps all its records closely guarded. But couples from that planet are terrifying (have you seen their mating rituals?), so it’d be a safe bet Sarah Jane and Glenn easily out-cute the cutest couple on Yexaldon Varsmech, but in the interest of scientific fairness, I won’t make assumptions. However, when it comes to planet Earth, the evidence speaks for itself.
I first begun my research when I arrived in Sydney, Australia as a member of the Founding Fellows class of Teaching Fellows at Queens University of Charlotte. For many of us, this trip was a major factor in our choosing to attend Queens, and something we’d been looking forward to since we were seniors in high school. Once we found out we’d be living in homestays, I was a bit concerned. Doesn’t Australia have a rampant issue with racism?, I wondered. What if my homestay family asks me to rap, or to recommend them a nice fried chicken restaurant? I can do all these things flawlessly, but it’s the principle of the thing.
But Sarah Jane and Glenn are some of the least racist people I know, and I know some incredibly tolerant people. They’re newlyweds and have only lived in the house for about six months, but have already decked it out with pictures of themselves together. Over the fireplace is a picture of them overlooking the Harbor Bridge. To the left of that, there’s a picture of there are four pictures of them on their wedding day taken in a photo booth (I mean an actual, honest-to-buddha photo booth, not that stupid Mac program you use to take “quirky” pictures of yourself, which aren’t so quirky since EVERYBODY HAS THE EXACT SAME KINDS OF PICTURES ON THEIR FACEBOOK).
But pictures alone does not an adorable couple make. Anyone can pictures of them and their spouse on the walls without actually feeling any affection toward them. For instance, I have a picture of Arizona senator John McCain on my wall. I’m not even sure why.
What really made me realize Sarah Jane and Glenn were the cutest couple on this planet was what happened this past Wednesday night. The two invited Lindsay Woodhouse, who’s staying here as well, and I to a friend’s house with them to watch the first match of the State of Origin series, the Australian equivalent to the Super Bowl, only much more violent and with much less padding. It’s a real man’s sport, if that man had an overactive pituitary gland and was slightly suicidal.
We met their friends. They were a boisterous crowd. Whenever the maroon colors of the opposing team flashed across the screen, the room filled with boos and jeers. Cheers arose whenever the hometown’s colors appeared, a comforting Carolina Blue. When not booing and cheering (and believe me, we were often booing and cheering), we drank Australian beer, which is so much better than American beer, if the competition was to be personified as a boxing match, Australian beer would be represented by Mike Tyson in his prime with shards of glass glued to his gloves and a cannon in the middle of his chest that shoots ten pound lengths of chain, and American beer would be represented by a three day old baby deer who’d just woken up from a nap.
It felt like a very grown up kind of gathering. I realized that in just a few months time, my friends and I would be in a similar position. Instead of just walking across the quad to meet each other for no reason, we’d have to get on buses, set dates, match schedules.
“Remember when we had more friends?” Sarah Jane asked no one in particular. “Right after college, it used to be like, forty of us meeting up at a time. Are we the only ones left?” The questions was rhetorical, of course. I couldn’t help but wonder when my circle of friends would eventually begin to dwindle.
Lindsay and I joined Sarah Jane and Glenn as they walked across the street to buy more beer. They were both wearing their New South Wales Blues in support of the team. With Lindsay and I behind them, the two locked arms to walk down the sidewalk. It was at that moment that I realized they were the cutest couple on the planet. You can’t take everything with you when your life changes. Out of the forty friends you have now, how many will still be in your life in ten years? What about twenty years? What about fifty? Losing these relationships is perhaps the terrifying thing about leaving college, but Sarah Jane and Glenn, fully in the midst of this experience, seemed perfectly content just to have each other.
Although the two had undoubtedly had to let go of some friends following college, Sarah Jane held on to Glenn’s arm as if it were the most important thing in the world. You can’t take everything with you after college, but as long as you hang on to the important parts, you’ll be happy. And any couple with a love powerful enough to teach life lessons to near strangers with just a lock of their arms is clearly the cutest couple on the planet.

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